Savoring

(I forgot to update Chloe's growth on her birthday post -- sorry Bryce! -- so here it is:  She is 46" and 39 lbs. She wears size 5/6 or 6-slim in clothes. Her shoes are size 11 with a bit of wiggle room.  Now on to the actual post......) 

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These days are lazy and full at the same time.  We really love summer.  Too bad my camera hardly tags along with me anymore.... not too many photos of summertime this year...  I have been moving in slow-motion due to massive unexplainable sleep deprivation, but I will not let that deter me from savoring all these precious memories being made.  I am trying to tune in to the emotional happenings more than the stuff I can observe.  There is always so much there... on the heart level... so much I can't even express it all.

Chloe has a loose front tooth that's been wiggling around for about two weeks now and I just can't even imagine what she will look like as the little ones  fall out and the big ones grow in. I can't wait to hear the little temporary lisp that develops with all those toothy gaps on the way.  She still cuddles up in my lap and mostly still fits there.... and I wonder how much longer that will feel like home for her.  Her emotions are so fragile and so extreme, and we are navigating this growth together.  I want so much for her to know she is unconditionally loved, and truly, that is what she is continually testing anyway.  She is learning everyday that I am willing to try to understand her, to comfort her, to be patient with her.  My love for her is found there so that's where I have to stay focused because she is worth it.

Evan has been like a ball of unstoppable energy this summer.  He is constantly on the go, craving more speed and more freedom.  But he does eventually slow down, and by then it's time to sleep.  I have had so many special heart-to-heart talks with my boy at bedtime.  He shares his thoughts, his fears, his concerns about life, his questions.... and I listen and sometimes answer if he needs me to.  I imagine my days of cuddling next to him on the top bunk are numbered as he will want his own space soon.  He is trying to figure out who is is and what he is capable of.... sometimes I want to laugh out loud at how adorable he is, but he is so serious.  And he trusts me.... what a privilege, that trust.  I know he won't always come to me with his thoughts. Eventually he will shift to talking to his dad, but these precious times are teaching him that I love him. He is worth my time.

Savoring these moments is intentionally done.  Most days I want to drift through the routine mindlessly rather than be involved (especially given that I haven't slept well in years), but oh my, what a loss I would have incurred.  I would have regret and despair and instead I have heart treasures.  I work for these treasures and they are so worth it.

{ Lest I come across seeming smug or arrogant in any way (as can happen in any personal writing on here) let me qualify this post with an addendum -- I wrote this post for ME, as a reminder that even when all I do feels draining and impossible some days, it is worth it.  Savoring isn't easy, but I savor because it is worth it.  Not to brag about it. }